Love of a Little Girl..

I don’t know from where should I begin, and where should I end,

I don’t know what should I say, and which song I should sing.

You know everything Mother, why I am writing this to you.

To tell you my story when you set me free,

A little girl’s story since she was only three.

 

When I was a kid, I wanted to play,

To get down the lanes, and get dirty in the clay.

To have some chocolates and those Barbie toys,

But, there was no one to hear my voice.

I  worked harder  and studied to fulfill your dreams,

And I never disturbed father with my tears and screams.

I walked with a smile beyond all fears,

But, I always wondered why you were not here.

 

When I grew sixteen, I started liking a guy,

In front of whom I could smile and get a little shy.

He made me feel happy, made me feel beautiful,

Like my dreams were becoming true and useful.

I loved him a lot, but there were few fears,

Father loves me more, I always thought with tears.

“Should I be a good daughter? Or Should I be a great lover? “

A question in my mind that I could answer never.

 

 

Time passed by, and one day father came with a surprise.

He found me a groom who was rich, smart and nice.

I never saw father so happy since you left.

He shouted and was happy like her daughter got the best.

I promised father that I agree by what you saw,

After a good daughter, I would be a great daughter-in-law.

 

Not much to say more Mother, I have my wedding tomorrow,

I am smiling and writing this to share all my sorrows.

I don’t know if my smiles and tears will rain again,

But  my feelings and love will not be the same.

I will leave my father and will not be here.

But ask your God to give the happiness of his share.

Hug me Mother for one last time,

And your daughter is strong, Please don’t cry…

Behind those stars

In the darkness of the night and silence of the dawn,

A swing was moving to and fro in the lawn.

He looked in the sky and wondered how the stars are drawn,

And behind those stars, how the life goes on?

He was broken, he was sad and things were weary,

A complain made to the Lord, with a voice of eerie.

“Dear God, I do not understand your theory,

 Why every time my unsuccessful story?”

 

 

As the swing went high up in the sky,

He felt it’s his world like with his head high.

But next moment some force pushed him down,

And he again felt like he is lost in the crowd.

His heart was broken by the one he loved,

And his dreams were shattered by everyone he trust,

He was tired by the losses and couldn’t go far,

Like every other loser, he blamed it on his stars.

 

 

Six months later, the scene was all the same,

But the night was brighter in spite of the rain.

A boy who was happy with a smile on his face,

He was ready to run now, and win the race.

The swing was again moving up and down,

Every time he was down, he pushed it hard,

And then he flied higher and higher like a bard.

Now he knew, nothing was wrong in his clown,

B’coz in life, what goes up has to come down.

 

Suddenly the silence was broken by a voice,

In the rheumy weather when the wind was moist.

I still miss you in the silence of this night,

I wish that we could be together and I can hold you tight.

But, things have changed now, for us the Lord has different plan,

It’s time that we move now to our own little clans.

I will love you ever and ever like I always did,

Wish you all success in your life indeed.”

 

Her voice faded away with her final words,

But he understood everything beyond a nerd.

Trickling drops of water enriching his soul,

His mind full of emotions, but within his control.

He did not say a word, nor shed a tear,

But he did not want the voice to disappear.

But one thing he promised to himself when the swing was down,

One day he would shine like those bright stars before he gets drown.

He would fly higher and higher with his own path of glory,

Some day he would have his own success theory…

His own success story…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Letter to My Mother : Please Forgive Me.

26th November,2012

Navi Mumbai,  India.

 Dear Mother,

I know you will forgive me, forgive me for not talking to you all these years, forgive me for all my mistakes, but there were reasons why I left you alone, why I couldn’t speak to you for last four years. I know you are angry with me mamma,  but you will forgive me. Time is theft, isn’t

that what they say? And time eventually convinces most of us that forgiveness is a virtue.

You always told me I was special, special one to fulfill all your dreams, special one to earn some name  and make our family the happiest one. I know you loved me more than my sister. But, I couldn’t fulfill your dreams mamma, I couldn’t buy you that sweet bungalow you always wanted beside the beach.  I couldn’t buy that luxurious car for my father. I apologize mother, I am not the special kid that you thought of all your life.

I know you are getting old mother, going through the pain of life. I know you are alone and I couldn’t be there to support you in these difficult times. I am sorry mother. I still remember that you never ate until I had my dinner and never slept before I did. I still remember the last words you told me before I left home four  years back was to come home early. I still remember that smile on your face. I couldn’t come back on time mother, in fact I never came back to you. I know you will forgive me for this.

You know mother, I never had a fight with anyone, and you always taught me so. I loved everyone and everyone loved me too. I didn’t know those people, they were strange. I smiled at them when they showed those heavy rifles at me while I was waiting for my train. I even gave them all my belongings and told they you were waiting for me, but they didn’t listen and fired. I do not know why they killed me. Sorry mother, I couldn’t come home that day on time and I know that you will forgive me for this.

I know mother that you will not cry after reading this. You never let me to do that when my girlfriends left me. There are a lot of things to be done. I am dead, wandering around and watching everything, watching you always. I will write you again if God permits me to do so, he gets cruel at times. It’s time to leave mother, I would want to be your son again in the next life if possible and fulfill all your dreams. I know that you have forgiven me for everything because you are a MOTHER.

Take care.

Your son,

Rohan Mehra

(1980- 2008)

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PS: A tribute to all those mothers who lost their son in the 26/ 11/ 2008 Mumbai attacks.

Yes… I still think of you…

When the leaves are swaying in the morning air,

When the birds are chirping, far and near,

When silence is everywhere, calm and clear,

A cup of tea and time to welcome a day anew;

It’s the time, I think of you..

 

When a rare happy day comes like a dream,

When I want to laugh, shout and scream,

When the endless joy is an unexpected scheme,

When I want to share with someone; it’s true;

All I do is, I think of you..

 

When the things go dark, round and round,

When there is no way to reach the solid ground,

When I am lost in the rain of my own tears,

When I need someone to wash away all pain and fear,

In those rough times, I think of you my dear..

 

When the rain and the weather makes everything dusty,

The nostalgia of your love makes me feel thirsty,

When we walked for miles and miles in the way,

When I had so many things to say,

The rain brought all those memories unfold,

In the shyness and silence, our hands were hold,

I still remember, how your face was blue,

With a smile on my face, I think of you..

 

When chocolates and roses were the order of the day,

When we spoke all night and you fought and say:

“You will be happy if I leave you one day”,

When I laughed and laughed to your dismay,

B’coz my feelings were true and words were few,

And now all alone, I think only of you..

 

When the birds have sung their final song,

When no one can hear the noise of the prong,

When the cool breeze washes my face in the night,

For the good times and the bad times that we spent in our life,

You will be eternal in a song unsung,

Like those bright stars in the sky overhung.

Before the birds again starts to crew,

It’s time again to think of you..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Broken Unbroken Words..

Out of my mother’s womb, I began to cry.

B’coz I loved darkness and my heart dry.

Since then, I locked myself behind close doors,

As I loved to be alone and lonely, with no one to roar.

 

Life was bright and beautiful, I was a young lad.

Had no one in my life, but I was never sad.

She came from nowhere, with the keys which no one had,

For the first time I was thankful to God and I was glad.

 

She taught me to smile, she taught me to laugh,

Three years together, we grew in sun and shower.

Life was fun when we were together,

There was a promise made that we would leave each other never.

 

Friendship between us grew stronger and stronger,

I thought, it would last seven lives longer.

But, there was a voice in my heart which was never said,

I heard some promises which she never made.

 

The next time I met her, I was given a final blow,

When I said “I love you” and she said “no”!!!

I then tried to relax her and make her calm,

But, she never understood, there was no soothing balm.

 

I tried to stop her and pleaded not to go,

But, she never made her any steps slow.

There was a storm in my head which was ready to rain,

B’coz there was nothing left, except an incurable pain.

I cried a night longer till my heart was dry,

As she had already said, her final goodbye.

 

Things are worst like never before,

With chaos and uproars, I am back behind the same old doors.

She came in my life to make everything bright,

And now she left with almost no light.

 

Everything is once again dark and grey,

And now there is no hope, there is no ray.

B’coz, dreams don’t last for longer they say,

I knew, I would be broken into pieces one day.  

 

Now, her life has changed a gear,

And I have no one to wipe my tears,

It’s time for me to disappear,

It’s time for me to disappear….

The Call Again..

(Please read “The Last Call” before reading this.)

Four  years later

10th June, 2012

04.30 AM

Krishna Apartment, Kolkata

The darkness of the night has just gone. A new day has come; birds were out of their nest and had started chirping and flying all over. The morning air smelt more beautiful than usual. The sky was clear and the first rays of sunshine hit the window panes of the fourth floor of the Block-A building. The fourth floor where Mr. & Mrs. Roy had lived with their daughter once, but now there was no one. Everyone who passed by the apartment, looked at this fourth floor and talked about a girl, a girl who once used to be there, a girl who was loved by everyone living in the building because she once made them happy and lively by her stupid activities, a girl whom they consider their pride and will always be there in their heart; but now she has gone, she left them.

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10th June, 2012

04:35 AM

Juhu, Mumbai

It was an early morning hour; the tides were hitting the shore harder to break the silence of the moment.  She was walking on the beach and enjoying the wind and fresh air. There was no one around to see her; and so she could rest in peace a bit longer. A lot had happened in the past four years.

Sanjana Roy, was a very well known name among the youth, and was a source of inspiration to many of them- a trainer, a writer and a well known fashion – designer this country has ever produced; she now owns her own fashion boutique. She has moved to Mumbai two years back with her parents. Ever since that night, she never cried again for what had happened with her, a girl who never gave up. She not only fought for her rights as a girl, but her writings now fight for million of others girls in this country.

After the incident, the next day she woke up she decided that she would not let her gender get better of her. She surprised everyone by being among the toppers of the University that year, no one had ever thought an under-performer in school, can perform so well in the graduation. Many of her couldn’t believe this and spoke of some frauds involved within. But, Sanjana never cared for them. The next step was even better; she got selected in the Cambridge University with a scholarship. Her parents didn’t want her to leave the country alone for her higher studies but Sanjana was determined. She knew how to persuade them. She choosed a fashion- design course and since then, she never looked back. She started writing there itself and was soon hired by a publication. Now, every girl in India loves her books and her design. She was a girl who every girl always wanted to be and every boy in India would like to get married.

04:45 AM

“Look! She is Sanjana Roy, the famous writer and fashion designer.” A girl with her friend, in the mid twenties shouted.

She realized that it was time to leave before more gathering takes place.  She started walking back. People shouting her name in public, Sanjana had always dreamt of this in her childhood. She has fulfilled all her dreams by now and this made her feel very happy. The only thing which changed was, she was a different person, the jolliness in her mood had disappeared and she was a more mature girl now. There was no feelings inside her, many proposals from many big names but she rejected all. The only thing she wanted was someone who could love her truly, trust her, understand her and never leave her again.

This entire change in her life could never have been possible without Aryan, her childhood friend who was always there to care and support her in everything, when there was no one with her. He was the only one who knew everything about her past and wanted to marry her. But, Sanjana didn’t accept, because she didn’t want to be left again, she wanted to wait, if Aryan would love and care for her the same way five year hence, she would marry her then. Now, she left everything on time to decide what was best for her.

04:55 AM

She opened the gate of her three star bungalow near Juhu. All her servants were still sleeping. Lucy, her pet, came running to her at this instant and soon she was in her arms, the only faithful ones to be trusted. She pushed the doors of her parent’s room a little, they were still sleeping. She smiled. Yes, she has made them proud. She was still her dad’s princess and her mother’s love and she would always be..

P.S. : This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person or place is purely coincidental.

The Last Call..

She called for one last time, a long ring and her life came to a halt. There was no reply to her calls, her texts since the last two months. She tilted the bottle to gulp the last sip of whisky. Four years of relationship, and there was an end to everything. She didn’t know the reason, why was she left? What was her mistake?  There was no one to answer; she had locked herself in the room.

Sanjana, a 21 years old girl; was a girl who was full of life and had always kept everyone happy and lively; a girl who had always dreamt of her prince.  It all began as a silly online crush, which changed in calls, a meeting, a second meet, a third and then finally her first love. She enjoyed the western influence on the Indian society which allowed her to be free and do things at her liking, but when it came to love she was very sure that she was a One Man Girl; and Abhi was her only prince. She did belong to an orthodox family who still clung to their caste and creed theory, and marrying Abhi wasn’t easy. She knew that it would be a struggle, a big struggle that would require immense convincing, emotional tortures and a good luck among the many other things. But, she was happy and knew she would undergo any pain if he was with her; if they were together.

She thought of all those days they were together, thought of their first meet and their last. He loved her so much. Was it all fake? The roses he gave her every time they met; his gifts and those letters, they were so full of feelings. They had their share of fights, arguments and days when they didn’t talk to each other, but they had survived and their bond grew stronger and stronger in the last four years of their relationship. She had started trusting him in everything as she thought that they understood each other very well. But things had changed unbelievingly in the last four months. It was the Valentine’s Day, when they had last met, a day that was full of surprises for her, a day that she would never forget and finally an incident that changed everything.

Abhi, gave her a bunch of roses that day, he had knelt down and proposed her in public. She couldn’t believe her luck to have a person who loved her so much. They went to parks, to restaurant and enjoyed the day together. It was a memorable day so far and they wanted to make it more memorable. Abhi’s parents were out of station. He took Sanjana to his home where she made her a coffee. He played music, laughed and then danced together. Sanjana had never allowed to even touch herself in the last four years of their relationship, but that moment was special. Abhi put his hands on her waist and they danced in the slow dim light in the room. She could feel the sensation and the romance in the moment. Abhi brought himself closer and closer and finally they had their first kiss. She could feel it, they kissed each other harder. Everything was perfect, the situation, the music, the light, the room; like they were already planned before. Fifteen minutes later, she found herself on the pink bedsheet in the bedroom. On top of her was Abhi sighing heavily and sweating. They made their first love and Sanjana was lost in it. She was doing it for the first time and wanted to enjoy this. That day when she left for home, she did regret but knew Abhi would be with her forever.

Things changed dramatically after this incident. Abhi, who boasted of his love and called her every hour, didn’t even call her the whole day. When she called, he was busy. Her calls were rejected, her texts were ignored, a small fight took days to be solved and finally a day came, when Abhi said that he was not interested in her and has found a partner, he was marrying her the next month. Sanjana couldn’t believe this. The only mistake she made was that he loved him truly.

Her glance fell on the watch in her hand that her dad gifted her on her twenty- first birthday. For twenty- one years her dad had raised her like a princess and this is what she has done in return. She thought of the trust, her mom had in her. Why do only girls have to analyze each and everything and be a most responsible gender? She hated boys, all boys are the same.  Tears were rolling down her cheeks and had wet the pillow. She would call him again tomorrow, if he picked up, she had rest of the night to weep and her rest of the life if he didn’t.

She saw him standing in front of the mirror and smiling. She hated him so much. She threw the bottle in her hand as strongly as she could, it shattered into pieces. It was like her broken dreams. She shouted and cried aloud, shouted so that the world could hear her pain, so that the Gods above could come down and ease her, shouted so that he could come again and kiss her. But, nothing was going to happen. The girl who has always kept everyone happy, had no one with her.For a minute she thought, she would put an end to everything and her life. But, no she was strong enough, she has to live, live for her parents, live for herself….

(To be continued..)